I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize