So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
