eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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