The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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