I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
