if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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