Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
