I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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