I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize