And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
