Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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