Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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