If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
