I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
