I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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