you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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