Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
