We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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