I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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