Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
