i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
