Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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