I cockslap morals
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
