Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
