I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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