i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
