If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
