every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
