Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
