Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize