My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
