it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
