fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
