1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
