between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
