Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
