You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
