even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
