My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
