cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You are a genius and a whore.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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