I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
