I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
