you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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