I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize