We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
