Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
