I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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