Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
