I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
