Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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