Whod you bang
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
