They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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