She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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