I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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