Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
