Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
