Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
