i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
