I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
