i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
