I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
