we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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