YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
