you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A+ Viking dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
