Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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