I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
