Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
