And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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